Excited to Begin

It’s not that Easy for Everyone

Caleb and Brianna, both 29, are ready to start their family, but are not finding it as easy as they expected.

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In middle school, Caleb and his friend both had a crush on a girl named Brianna. They made a bet, and agreed that whoever lost had to stop pursuing her. Caleb won. Now, more than a decade later, they are married, own a home, and ready to start a family. It hasn’t been quite that easy, though.

“When you’re young, you are told that if you have sex without basically being covered in shrink wrap from head to toe you are going to get pregnant. Now, I realize it’s not that easy”

– Caleb

At first, Caleb—a digital marketing consultant and entrepreneur—was eager to have kids, but Brianna, a schoolteacher, wasn’t in any hurry yet. Working around kids all day, she knew how much having children would disrupt their lives.

It was once they bought their first house that Brianna became more comfortable with the idea. One day, she said, “I’m ready.” They began trying, and having the same conversations that all future parents have—like baby names, and whether they were ready for this leap—which, Caleb says, has brought them closer together and strengthened their relationship.

“It’s been a year. One year not being able to conceive may not be the end of the world. Perhaps it’s more normal than we thought.”

– Caleb & Brianna

Although the process has been “frustrating and a bit worrisome at times,” they remain optimistic. Though Caleb concedes, “Seeing all of our friends get pregnant is adding a small bit of pressure, I must admit.”

They are now starting to wonder if they should begin exploring alternative routes to pregnancy. “We started with the mindset, ‘not us, we shouldn’t need that’, but are now starting to think, ‘Maybe us? Should we check into options? Is it too early?”

The silver lining of this process, says Caleb, is that becoming pregnant is “more special, because in our case it was a gradual process to get on the same page, and it still is a process now that it’s not happening right away.”

Caleb looks forward to the day when he can evaluate his daughters’ potential boyfriends, or offer life advice to a teenage son. He also expects that having children will strengthen his (already positive) relationship with his own parents.  “I will understand deeper why they loved us so much and selflessly committed their lives to supporting us while growing up.”